Comments on: Story: Acute Adoration, Matt http://photogabble.co.uk/2007/03/31/story-acute-introduction/ Simon's photography projects blog. Thu, 11 Feb 2010 21:13:10 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Chloe http://photogabble.co.uk/2007/03/31/story-acute-introduction/comment-page-1/#comment-595 Chloe Wed, 04 Apr 2007 13:22:28 +0000 http://www.photogabble.co.uk/2007/03/31/story-acute-introduction/#comment-595 My version is all done and can be found at the following location: http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/52399689/ My version is all done and can be found at the following location:
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/52399689/

]]> By: Acute Adoration, Peyton « Virtual Reality http://photogabble.co.uk/2007/03/31/story-acute-introduction/comment-page-1/#comment-596 Acute Adoration, Peyton « Virtual Reality Mon, 02 Apr 2007 20:10:53 +0000 http://www.photogabble.co.uk/2007/03/31/story-acute-introduction/#comment-596 [...] Acute Adoration, Peyton is the other side of the story to ‘Acute Adoration, Matt’, which can be found on Simon’s blog. His is the male perspective of the story and mine is the female. Both are somewhat incomplete, mine moreso than his. Mine is still in the process of being written out (it is not even at the ending, as you will notice if you read both) and will then be revisited for revision, final fleshing out, etc. In the mean time, I will keep updates here until posted on deviantART. [...] [...] Acute Adoration, Peyton is the other side of the story to ‘Acute Adoration, Matt’, which can be found on Simon’s blog. His is the male perspective of the story and mine is the female. Both are somewhat incomplete, mine moreso than his. Mine is still in the process of being written out (it is not even at the ending, as you will notice if you read both) and will then be revisited for revision, final fleshing out, etc. In the mean time, I will keep updates here until posted on deviantART. [...]

]]> By: Jen http://photogabble.co.uk/2007/03/31/story-acute-introduction/comment-page-1/#comment-597 Jen Mon, 02 Apr 2007 14:21:04 +0000 http://www.photogabble.co.uk/2007/03/31/story-acute-introduction/#comment-597 RIGHT I just read the whole thing, which I ashamedly admit I didn't intend to do, but I was wholely impressed by its power to grip. I think you captured some real emotion there. It's definitely something I've felt on many occasions, that flutter, the real breath of romance in a couple, and even without that feeling brimming in me currently it was nice to experience a burst of nostalgia ;) I felt engulfed by Matt's every emotion and sensation throughout, you have a fantastic grasp of communicating a character's cognitive environment, especially focusing on how it interacts with his physical environment (ie the change in opinion of Victoria station now that he's meeting a girl there, the use of the newspaper never actually being read, the couples in the park all being slightly warmed by their presence). Not a lot of people can do that; it's one thing to know what your character is experiencing but another completely to be able to put it across in such an effective way as to ignite those exact same emotions in the reader. It's a talent. I'm also impressed at my desire to follow the story of Matt and Laura (though her name is only mentioned a couple of times, and only toward the end - I thought you were going to make an interesting literary device of referring to her as, 'the girl'!). Again, that's something not a lot of short stories achieve, for me at least, the staying power. So that's an up. Onto the criticism - I'm good at this part lolz. There are two quite obvious non-literal crits, firstly your confusion over the use of "where" and "were". That's easily resolved. Also the dialogue. You don't need to start a new line after you state that a character is about to talk. There is one small section in particular that is a bit of a nightmare to decipher because it's quite hard to work out who is saying what. <i>He felt happy, happier than he could remember being he turned to her and after biting his lip asked, RIGHT
I just read the whole thing, which I ashamedly admit I didn’t intend to do, but I was wholely impressed by its power to grip. I think you captured some real emotion there. It’s definitely something I’ve felt on many occasions, that flutter, the real breath of romance in a couple, and even without that feeling brimming in me currently it was nice to experience a burst of nostalgia ;)
I felt engulfed by Matt’s every emotion and sensation throughout, you have a fantastic grasp of communicating a character’s cognitive environment, especially focusing on how it interacts with his physical environment (ie the change in opinion of Victoria station now that he’s meeting a girl there, the use of the newspaper never actually being read, the couples in the park all being slightly warmed by their presence). Not a lot of people can do that; it’s one thing to know what your character is experiencing but another completely to be able to put it across in such an effective way as to ignite those exact same emotions in the reader. It’s a talent.

I’m also impressed at my desire to follow the story of Matt and Laura (though her name is only mentioned a couple of times, and only toward the end – I thought you were going to make an interesting literary device of referring to her as, ‘the girl’!). Again, that’s something not a lot of short stories achieve, for me at least, the staying power. So that’s an up.

Onto the criticism – I’m good at this part lolz. There are two quite obvious non-literal crits, firstly your confusion over the use of “where” and “were”. That’s easily resolved. Also the dialogue. You don’t need to start a new line after you state that a character is about to talk. There is one small section in particular that is a bit of a nightmare to decipher because it’s quite hard to work out who is saying what.

He felt happy, happier than he could remember being he turned to her and after biting his lip asked,

]]> By: Chloe http://photogabble.co.uk/2007/03/31/story-acute-introduction/comment-page-1/#comment-598 Chloe Sat, 31 Mar 2007 22:17:10 +0000 http://www.photogabble.co.uk/2007/03/31/story-acute-introduction/#comment-598 I am the official editor. Fix your spelling and grammar errors - you've seen to the syntax jumble for the most part. I just want to know what he asked, damnit. And where did you get such a cute idea for a story from? Hehe. I like it. :P I am the official editor. Fix your spelling and grammar errors – you’ve seen to the syntax jumble for the most part. I just want to know what he asked, damnit.

And where did you get such a cute idea for a story from? Hehe. I like it. :P

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